heroine diction

20 earlier

my shipwreck
universal donor

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WED 25 SEP 2013
01:13PM     my french exit

friends, only.Collapse )

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THU 14 JAN 2010
01:11PM     happy new year

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WED 24 JUN 2009
02:36PM     amazing

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SAT 11 APR 2009
04:17PM     heer! are some of my artz.

i hope you will enjoy them. more are in my flickr, here. i'll be adding to it as i get more fotos.

mood: satisfied

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WED 07 JAN 2009
09:36PM     for two
the other side of the world
is an island the shape of a woman
& i know this place
from there there is no escape

you know she held me
not that too tight that she would break me
not too loose for i would slip away
to the other side of the world

you know she held me
like i could leave at any time
& i could breathe into the wire
& tell myself i'm free

then it turned under my feet
& the buildings & the trees
left with the wind
left me standing in the darkness of the street
where i'm a stranger to everyone
& everyone is a stranger to me

if i could touch you darling
i'd tell you all the things i never said
of how you hid those tears away from me
like i couldn't hear

for i loved you through this wilderness
i loved you through the shit
i loved you through the best times
& did every one
from the other side of the world

then it turned under my feet
& the buildings & the trees
left with the wind
left me standing now i'm sharp & set alight
i'm screaming down the wire
to find you

the other side of the world
is an island the shape of a woman
& i know this place
from there there is no escape

download tindersticks "the other side of the world" [7.8MB]

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MON 05 JAN 2009
08:26PM     hibernation & hoarding
      "we'll be together in our bear's cave, and our squirrel's dray, and we'll live on honey, and nuts--lots and lots of nuts. and we'll sing songs about ourselves--about warm trees and snug caves, and lying in the sun. and you'll keep those big eyes on my fur, and help me keep my claws in order, because i'm a bit of a sloppy, scruffy sort of a bear. and i'll see that you keep that sleek, bushy tail glistening as it should, because you're a very beautiful squirrel, but you're none too bright either, so we've got to be careful. there are cruel steel traps lying about everywhere, just waiting for rather mad, slightly satanic and very timid little animals. right? poor squirrels!"

      "poor bears! oh, poor, poor bears!"

download crystal stilts "graveyard orbit" [7.8MB]

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THU 18 DEC 2008
12:01PM     hey there internet

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THU 11 DEC 2008
07:02PM     i know famous people
ghastlymess IS ON CASH CAB

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SAT 22 NOV 2008
05:44PM     tersely yours, stonerface.
actual return-by-mail form completion:
item 14669071 SPIRAL NOTEBOOK SERIES 4 PAINTED DOG ONE SIZE. ret. code 30. reason: notebook ordered depicted dog; as rec'd, no dog. wd like dog to be sent--if out of dog, refund.

so far back in grandrapids i have: borne a pall (is that the tech term for carrying a coffin): begun playing BELLA SARA "the unchallenging online girl game about horses and their similars (incl. seahorses, donkeys, pegasi), requiring the semi-embarrassing purchase of trading cards and the painstaking entry of their codes"; driven through four BEAR X-ING zones but seen no bears; told six people my name was johannes; been pulled over for doing 49 in a 25mph zone but did not receive ticket due to decision some years back to simply NOT GET A TICKET EVER AGAIN and that decision's The Secret-like ability to make tickets not be so, or whatever; gotten blotto alone in a holiday inn discotheque on a northern bay of lake michigan while 40mph cursed up a blizzard outside; gotten my nap on silly, sideways, two times, et cetera; and run facefirst into an icicle which was sort of like being backhanded by a walrus, facially.

which instead of "backhanded" would be "facefaced," i guess. "i just got facefaced by a walrus." yo, you got royally tusked, son.

or whatever.

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MON 15 SEP 2008
12:55PM      -
i wanted to say something about DFW but i had other things i had to say first. i wanted to talk about amanda's wedding since that was the main thing & thank god he didn't actually die on that day but the day before, & i just hadn't heard. i wanted to talk about giving the maid of honor speech, telling how one of the first times amanda & i really bonded, we went to see david foster wallace read, & met him, & asked if we could take a picture, & how he was our idol, in the sense most people reserve for crap lead singers; i didn't tell the family-less-friendly bit about how david looked at the camera nervously, asked you're not going to photoshop dicks on my face or anything, right? how i sat down for dinner after the speeches & then lorealle had something on her phone, a picture of him, & she said who is that & i said oh no oh no, how i panicked & evaded the bride, not wanting his death & her wedding linked in her mind. (how several less sensitive guests strolled right up to the sweetheart table & brayed the news.) how i went behind a dumpster & cried; how lorealle was in the bathroom forever while i went into the men's room & threw up. this isn't about me, but it is about me, i felt like some kind of lever-point of terrible import, it was too full-circle, it was death's great whomping venn diagram, the slide & whale of some planet-sized typewriter's hard return.

the bride said this way more people will want to read his books & all get to share in them, he'll be more famous. the bride has a sunny disposition. the horror was nesting in my hair, & part of it was the complete resetting of relation to the text that his death meant, & the how of his death & then the why, & part of it was the identification with him, being so close to that edge, & part of it was remembering his commencement speech, about how if you can't learn to control what you hear & think you are totally hosed, & how when i read it i thought he meant w/r/t news & media, but how maybe it was a more headcentric thing than that, that it was controlling what we hear from ourselves, from our insides, & i hoped his insides weren't full of poison like mine are but i was afraid that they were, this kind of went along with that. how it feels to be pent-totally hosed. hubris or whatever how i always felt like i understood something about him & how now horrifying it was, that he had maybe had to life with that poison, how you never want someone you love to suffer in a way you have suffered. i wanted to know him like i know my father, my papa, my brothers; i know how he laughed, but i wanted to see his dinnertime tics or know about how he chose shoes, all the little terrible beauties of living & understanding. how hard we try not to think about how he felt that day. how perfect & terrible & beautiful: hosed.

then driving home from the hotel sunday i thought about the rest of the speech, i really made it up on the fly, terribly nervous, but ended up saying something about how in our culture the wedding is seen as a sort of finish line, the happily ever after end, but how it's really another beginning, & then i somewhat hackneyishly but no less sincerely said ...it's the beginning of forever, & driving home with a complete tangle of hair & bone exhaustion i thought about how maybe that was true, too, that what i have constructed from what i allow inside, controlling how i think, & being yes i will use the word blessed with the people around me, that it is a reflex to me that his wasn't a dead end, full stop, much like how his books kind of always weren't, & i hoped that there was a forever, some kind of great footnote that doesn't have an end.


SUN 20 JUL 2008
05:57PM     what a weird weekend
well, i just rescued a girl from the american apparel mansion.

i'm not joking.

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FRI 18 JUL 2008
08:15PM     important
download antony & the johnsons "knockin' on heaven's dooor" [3.9MB]

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FRI 11 APR 2008
12:55PM     how white i am
i like every thing
that white people like. wait, no,
i do not like rugby. it's not
that i dislike rugby certainly
have nothing against a good bout
match episode of ruggers but
oh god i don't even know it. so
not ruggers. also not japan
or asian girls in such
general and fetishistic terms although
i can think of several individual
girls, happening to be asian, whom i hold
in high esteem. and back to japan
everyone is too small and i do not want
to be chased with torches like some gwailo yeti
into a shop marketing live animals for eating
or used girls' panties (the girls i assume
are asian) so no to japan. i am surprised
that antidepressants are not on the list; despite
several consciously-casted commercials
you know anything named WELLBUTRIN
has to be cracker.

i hate sarah silverman and manhattan
for the same reasons. thinking about it though
i should like to live in shorts listening
to npr and eating fusion sandwiches all
day long, i am super white, smoking
shitty, feeble joints and biking around
to look at modern architecture
ironically. then back home by the water
signing mad book deals watching royal
eating organic, my dog
is a hybrid and piracy is just another
form of recycling and more than anything
i really love divorce i mean

• • • • • •

also, who has flown with a medium-large (i.e., not carry-on) dog before? i am flying with my dog. we are going to the moon. tell me about this.

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THU 20 MAR 2008
02:02PM     halp
please talk to me about good digital cameras under $1000 (ideally under $500 but if it's like earthmoving i'll charge the hell out of it). i am favoring canon or nikon. is this wrong?

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MON 10 MAR 2008
02:58PM     ohmygod
do you know how much i love you

WED 27 FEB 2008
09:05PM     claw aboot the hoose
i just hung a photograph and then walked around cheering "YES IT LOOKS SO GOOD" while brandishing a hammer.

my continued spinsterdom is baffling, no?

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TUE 19 FEB 2008
12:50PM     weighing in

you can all go back to your regularly-scheduled LJing now.

mood: hater tots

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SUN 27 JAN 2008
11:45AM     PET PEEVE

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TUE 22 JAN 2008
01:52PM     WHAT

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TUE 11 DEC 2007
01:06PM     gimme the sparkly! i gotta have the sparkly!

if you're in need of any JOOLS, hooveraardvark is selling a LOT of amazingly cute stuff at really low prices: http://hooveraardvark.livejournal.com/160510.html

/public service "shiny things" announcement

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